Saturday, March 8, 2008

Making "the fair deal" fair

Braun, Gavey and McPhillips’ article offers a complex and nuanced view of reciprocity, specifically sexual reciprocity, in heterosexual relations. They focus on the orgasm as a “measure” of reciprocity, though they do acknowledge in their article and notes that orgasm is by no means the only measure of pleasure or reciprocity in relationships.

Braun et al. begin this article by placing their study in context of other discourses of reciprocity, asserting that “we can see heterosex practices, and accounts of these, as being produced and taking place within a social context shaped by competing discourses of heterosexuality” (238). They then acknowledge the influence of Wendy Hollway’s three overarching heterosexual discourses: 1) male sexual drive (the “men need to come” mentality), 2) the have/hold theory (traditional romantic ideal: especially applies to women—getting more out of a relationship than just sex), and 3) the permissive discourse (anything goes as long as no one gets hurt). This acknowledgement allows Braun et al. to use Hollway’s terms in analyzing their study, and it also places their article in a certain strain of poststructuralist feminist discourse.

Braun et al. then introduce the concept of reciprocity, noting its presence in popular and academic discourse, particularly in radical feminist critiques of heterosex. To Braun, Gavey and McPhillips, a study by Gilfoyle, Wilson and Brown produced the most “pertinent examination of reciprocity in heterosex:” the “pseudo-reciprocal gift discourse” (240). In such a discourse, women “give” themselves (their bodies, their vaginas) to men to help them achieve orgasm; in return, men must “give” women orgasms. Braun, et al. note the complex definitions of giving and receiving in this discourse, as well as its gendered nature. This idea, they say, is problematic for women despite the promise of an orgasm: “Men are positioned as active, as agents, giving and taking pleasure. Part of the problem, therefore, is what is seen to be a lack of ‘real’ reciprocity” (240). Based on their study, Braun et al. agree with Gilfoyle et al.’s critiques, but wish to push the argument forward to include more complexities than the “men=abled and women=disabled in sexual encounters” model.

Braun et al. interviewed 15 men and 15 women, most of whom were college-educated and of European descent. All had experience of heterosex, and ranged in age, work, parenthood, and relationship history. The researchers then analyzed the data with discourse analysis influenced by feminist poststructuralist theories of language, emphasizing that “language and discourse constitute meaning, and hence particular discourses enable and constrain people’s options for how to be and act in the social world” (241). This was interesting to me in light of last year’s Women’s Studies seminar, “Women and Language,” which focused on linguistic models for gender relations.

I their study, Braun et al. observed a pattern of sex in their participants that went something like this: fondle, touch, man goes down on woman and she has an orgasm, man enters woman and coitus ensues, he has an orgasm. Braun et al. note the more active status of the male in these accounts: the man produces his partner’s orgasm, but she does not entirely produce his. Braun et al. also emphasize the presence of the “coital imperative”—the expectation that coitus constitutes the end goal of sex—in their subjects’ accounts. In their responses, male subjects tended to associate coitus as their only option for orgasm, which Braun et al. call “the conflation of male orgasm with coitus.” In the way of reciprocity, an “orgasm imperative” was present, and reciprocity came to mean “her orgasm in exchange for the promise of his orgasm through coitus” (244).

From these responses emerges what Braun et al. call a “discourse of reciprocity” in which both partners having orgasms is deemed fair and right (245). In their examinations of non-reciprocal sex, Braun et al. concluded that this discourse is prominent in heterosex, but also that the female orgasm is often deemed less important and that male orgasm usually signals the end to “sex.” Factors contributing to this attitude, they say on page 248, might be the continuing debates about the female orgasm and the influence of the have/hold discourse (the thought that women might legitimately get more out of other aspects of a relationship than they do out of sexual pleasure). Braun et al. also note, in congruence with the quote offered at the beginning of the article, that men can gain positive identity through women’s orgasms—they can feel sensitive and unselfish, and also feel proud of their “sexpertise” (249).

As they unpack reciprocity, Braun et al. give more attention to women’s experience in particular because, as they argue, “the potential drawbacks of this discourse on women are greater than on men, both materially and in terms of subjectivity” (250). They focus on the actions and identities that are “constrained or enabled by particular constructions of heterosex” (252), acknowledging the complex potential links between entitlement and obligation.

Braun et al.’s main claim in this section of the article is that while women should be allowed to have orgasms and that it is wonderful that the idea of women’s pleasure has been opened up, this entitlement may become tied up in obligation, in an expectation to have an orgasm in order to be normal. Furthermore, this expectation can be tied up with men’s feelings of status or self worth: her orgasm signifies that he is a good lover and that he is not selfish. The practice of women faking orgasm further illustrates this feeling of obligation on the part of women.

Ultimately, Braun et al. see reciprocity as a both/and discourse: it can be “both oppressive and/or genuinely reciprocal” (255). Unless we examine these (potentially coercive) obligations that can and do take place in the discourse and practice of reciprocity, it will be impossible to move into a straightforward and truly reciprocal model.

To me, this article seemed to problematize CAKE a little, but it a good way. I could see traces of Levy’s argument present in the study—what does it mean for men’s pleasure that women are needing to fake orgasm (or at least feel obligated to have an orgasm) even in a system of reciprocity? Though I would never complain that women are allowed to have orgasms, implications of this pressure do exist in heterosex. I think CAKE’s demand that women have pleasure is a step in the right direction toward a true discourse of reciprocity, but I think moving outside androcentric discourse/language would have allowed CAKE readers to express true reciprocity more fully.

Moving beyond pure discourse and into practice (and solutions of sorts), what does reciprocity imply in our own relationships? How does this relate to Hollway’s concept of extra-discursivity? Is there a way to move outside the obligation-saturated reciprocity model and into a true, practiced model of reciprocity?

Also, I’m curious about this model outside of heterosex. Do these patterns manifest themselves in homosexual relations as well? If so (or if not), what implications does that have for this poststructuralist feminist discourse that seems to be incorporating elements of psychoanalysis and social analysis?

4 comments:

Heidi M. said...

Miriam,

Thanks for your detailed exploration of this article and the questions it brought up for you. I was also wondering about the practical implications of Braun et al.'s deconstruction of the reciprocity discourse. It seems like there's a very fine line between obligatory and egalitarian reciprocal sex acts, and in my opinion the difference comes down to communication between partners. I liked how this article reported direct quotes from the interviews so that we could hear the language these couples were using and their attitudes concerning 'reciprocity.' In this case, maybe the link between theory and practice has to do with the importance of defining the existence of a (potentially repressive) discourse and using/changing/responding to the language of it to come up with new ways of communicating about egalitarian sex, both inside and outside of the bedroom.

-Heidi

Janne said...

Miriam,
Thank you for a thorough exploration of this article. As you pointed out in the article, the authors recognize that orgasm is by no means the only measure of pleasure or reciprocity in relationships. I like how you pointed out later in your response that this reciprocity principle can both be liberating and confining, depending on whether or not it is genuine reciprocity. I think it would have been interesting if the authors would have continued to explore this issue a bit further. What are the contributing factors leading to genuine reciprocity? How can we celebrate reciprocity without making men feel pressure to perform or leading women to fake orgasms?

Laura D. said...

Excellent analysis Miriam, you really highlighted the main parts of the article well. I'm interested in your (and the authors') description of "giving and receiving" and the gendered nature of each. I feel that this issue returns to the traditional discourse of men as active agents and women as passive agents. I think the authors do a good job furthering previous analysis of this issue. Also, I agree with the authors conclusion that we must focus on bring into light the important aspects of sexual activity that do not result in orgasm, but that may still be identified as pleasurable. I'm realizing now that this was an area the CAKE guide had described. How could we use CAKE to further this discussion?

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